Beauty

Chapter 6

It's been awhile since I wrote... busy with life and no time to sit and be still and think.

Quote: " God is Beauty embodied, glory manifested. This is what I crave: I hunger for Beauty.  Is that why I must keep up the hunt?  When I cease the beauty hunt, is that why I begin to starve, waste away?"

This Beauty, this seeing life through eyes that truly see... how do I say this?  Some eyes see but never really see... do you understand?

There are days when that is me... everything passes me by and beauty is far from my vision.  Then there are days when I see so much of life's beauty... do I see it all?  No! Never!  Can we ever see it all?

Even though I have had very little time for reading and even less for writing I have found myself still living in this Eucharisteo... thankful.  When things don't go as I have planned, or when I think things are not fair... I find myself going to the but... I am thankful for.

* for time spent with my adult sons
* for children who are healthy and living fully
* for a God who knows the hearts of each parent, grandparent and friend who lost someone in the States this past week... He LOVES them and WILL comfort them,

A Needed Reminder

Yesterday was hard.  Not hard in the sense that I had some earth shattering news, or that I had no where to lay my head at night... hard in the privileged world that I live in.
A competing store has opened in my small town and yesterday I had the first taste of what business might be like with them in town.  It was quiet in my store, and at this time of year was very noticeable.
All day I tried to keep a positive front up for my staff, but on the way home I broke and cried... about what??? My first concern was my job, if I can't do the sales they will find someone who can.  I cried for the loss of income and what that will mean in my home.  I cried for the staff that I am going to have to lay off, because the business is just not there. 
I was quite through dinner which in my house is a sure sign that something is weighing on me.  B. was heading out to a meeting but suggested I spend some time in worship and communion.  Which was on my agenda anyway.
As I started to worship I was reminded that all is in HIS hands.  That nothing that happens to me happens without HIM.  I spent lots of time being thankful and listing them in my journal. 
My thoughts turned to a letter I had just received from Samaritan's purse and the trouble that is happening in the Congo.  A picture of a family living in a cave because of the unrest on the front. Small children with such sadness in their eyes... my trouble disappeared. In light of what is happening around the world, my troubles are minor. Now I pray for that family and the means to be able to help in that area of the world. 
A needed reminder that I am blessed and need to live in that... thank FULL... Eucharisteo.

all HIS good works... working.

Chapter 4

Well, the last few days have been interesting... trying to be intentional about Eucharisteo.  Thank - full.

I find my mood light and my heart soft.  Even with hormones raging... I feel peace.

Quotes.
"God gives us time. And who has time for God?"
"On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgement and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur."
"Jesus embraces His not enough... He gives thanks... And there is more than enough.  More than enough! Eucharisteo always, always precedes the miracle."

I love that last quote... It's based on the story in the bible of the feeding of the 5000.  Not enough, give thanks, more than enough!

How often is that the case with us?  We don't have enough... time, money, food, patience, etc.  Yet when we give thanks for that which we do have... we have more than enough!   I have had this happen with money... whether it was a miracle in multiplying or it was the miracle in the change of my focus... I had more than enough. What a lesson to learn, not just now as I type in tears but for my whole life... Lord, may I be thank-FULL.

His good works... working

Learning

3. Getting a call from one of my employees to hear that an employee that I had prayed for... extreme morning sickness, is now feeling better and wants her full shifts back!

It's these eucharisteo that are easy... no thought about it.  Yet all day I was wondering what I would write.

all His good works... working

One Thousand Gifts
Chapter 3

I'm really only on chapter three????  I feel as though a light has penetrated and that I may never be the same again and it's only chapter 3?

History... I am one of those people that when someone says, "you have to read this book, it will change your life".  I don't.  Call it being stubborn, or whatever but I just can't bring myself to read that something.  This book came to me by accident.  I was looking through a friends facebook page and she had mentioned a quote from the book, which lead me to look deeper, which lead me to ask my husband to order it for me, which has lead me to this point.

The challenge is out... one thousand things you are thankful for.  Eucharisteo. 

Philippians 4:11-12 " I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.  I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.

The secret is to learn.

Page 50 " The habit of discontentment can only be driven out by hammering in one iron sharper.  The sleek pin of gratitude".

Page 57 " Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped.  God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: JOY.

Page 58 " Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering".

So what does all this mean for me... to live a life full of joy?  Realizing that God is in all things and that I must learn to be content in whatever season I am in.


So I start my list... One thousand gifts.
1. The clear half moon that greeted me when I opened the back door at work this morning.
2. The apple cinnamon oatmeal that I had prepared but forgot to put together last night, but that my husband saw before bed and finished it so that we would have warm, tasty oatmeal for breakfast this morning.

all His good works... working.

A new read...

The small print reads... A Dare to Live Fully Right where you are.

I have now read three chapters and I can't think of a better advent book to read.
This last chapter was about Eucharisteo -
Charis - Grace
Eucharisteo - thanksgiving
Chara - JOY.
Really life, a full life comes from Joy which comes from thanksgiving.

Giving thanks in everything.  Gives new meaning to the scripture... in everything give thanks.
"Eucharisteo - thanksgiving - always precedes the miracle"

To enjoy this season of Christmas, what do we do?  Rush around, spend and buy, buy, buy! We all want to have the "Joy to the world" experience but how often are we left feeling flat? defeated? Disappointed?

Eucharisteo! Thanksgiving, grace and JOY!

Well, let me start right now... Thank you Lord for the gift of Joy... for the ability to find joy even when circumstances don't warrant it.  Even when the "feeling" isn't there.  I can be thankful for so much... may my eyes never become dull to the much that I have to be thankful for.

Once again, all His good works, working!

God's Hand

Through it all  can say that God has been in every step and I am trusting Him to continue His amazing work.
I had an incident at work and didn't see it coming, nor did I see how it was going to end.  But God in His amazing way had been working it all out. 
A week before, He provided for a need I didn't even have yet!  He allowed a problem that I was sure was going to take a long time to resolve to be resolved with 2 days.
Now I will trust Him with the outcome.  I pray for the person involved that this will not be the end of their story, but just the beginning of how God showed Himself.

A Deeper Look

I am reading...

What can I say?  It is hitting a nerve and I'm not sure I want that nerve exposed.
Today the chapters that I have read have been all about me.  The way I feel so often and how I cope, or don't cope.
I'm thinking that within the next few weeks I could be writing my life story, but with eyes that need to see how God has been present and working things out for my good.

Some days are filled with ARGGHHH moments.

The last few days I have been waking between 3-4 am... not really conscious of a worry, but knowing that something is playing on my mind.

The things that are on my mind... (in no particular order)
* holidays!!! We leave for our whirlwind car holiday in 5 sleeps!  We are so looking forward to seeing friends that we haven't seen in a year... two sets!  Bring on the fellowship!  We are clocking a whopping 59 HOURS of driving.  Terrace-Prince George.  Prince George - Pentiction.  Pentiction -Abbotsford.  Abbotsford -Tsawassan.  Twasassan - Calgary.  Calgary - Prince George.  Prince George - Terrace.
* Empty Nest.  With our driving holiday comes the dropping off of our youngest son to college in Abbotsford.
* Work... the stress of leaving the store and knowing that  there are some issues there.  Actually, I dealt with one of the issues today... hopefully that will help!
* When I started this post, I had yet to hear from my oldest son as he went on a road trip with one of his friends.  I have since heard from him and his trip was wonderful by the sound of it.

Now, I am just ready to go... get in the car and drive away from it all.  Take a breather and decide what comes next.  We have an empty nest and just 40!  What do we want to do now that we have "growed" up?  New job, school, ministry????????

Wait on the Lord....

 Psalm 33:20
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
 Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
 Psalm 38:15
LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.

So I wait.

Thank you Lord for the way you provide.

Jonathan made it safely to Vancouver.  Those were two very hard days for me.  Oh the prayers that were breathed.
Him travelling alone just made my crazy imagination go wild.  My brain would not let me believe that everything would go smoothly... all possible troubles plagued my mind.  So getting the text that let me know that he was safely at his destination... RELIEF.

This all makes me wonder how did my own Mom manage to let me go?  I was 19 when I hopped on a Greyhound bus (by myself) and came to BC.  4 days on a bus, by myself, no cell phones and no way to let her know I was ok during the trip.  Wow! 

I do know that God was good.  I know that He provided for Jonathan and his safety.  I know that it was He who was able to keep me from going over the cliff of worry.  I know that during the changes that are coming it is going to be Him who will bring comfort, and purpose to this Mom who no longer has kids at home.

Well, the first edited picture came in from the photographer... wow!  we all look like we belong in a old navy ad.  Oh the power of lighting and editing!  I have seen a few of her edited ones now and I love them all!  Oh how will I decide which ones are frame worthy?

We had such a nice time... we laughed and just really enjoyed our time together.

After this our family will change.  One or both of the boys will be only home for visits, short and sweet.  There is talk of one of the boys going far away to school next year... our family is changing.

Lord, thank you for the last 20 years.  Thank you for the young men that have grown up to love you and who desire to serve you with everything that they are.  Thank you for trusting me with these precious young men... I love them.

A whole year has passed... plus some.

The job... going well.  I have found that I love what I am doing right now... most days.  I have a wonderful staff behind me and that certainly helps.  Have we had issues?  Of course.  But we deal with them as they come up and move on.
The family.... is good.  Both boys were home this summer, which is probably the last time.  We had family pictures taken today and it was more fun then I thought.  It will be nice to have this keepsake.  Both the boys head to college in the fall... one in Abbotsford and one in Calgary.  What does that mean for us here at  home?  There is a part of me that is looking forward to this new stage and then there is the other part... who am I when I am no longer "Mom"?  A full time Mom. Which leads me to the question... where does my identity lie? 
For my whole life I have been... daughter, wife, mom, boss.  But none of these are who I am.  Although saying that there are definitely signs that I have rested who I am in one or all of these roles.  Does this make any sense?

This space will be a place where can explore who "I" am.  Along with all the heart aches and groans that come with a fresh empty nest.

In this last week I have been reminded that I am the bride of Christ and my thoughts have been, what does this mean?
Desired
Loved
Beloved
Anticipated
Cherished
Precious
Do I walk in these?  What does this look like?  What does that mean for me?  All questions to be answered.
But for now... I know that God has plans for me and that each day I can rest that He is in it.  His works are good!