What do you fear?

Today in Sunday School we were talking about some amazing things that God is doing...healing and prophetic words and that got us started on fears. What do you fear? What is it that makes you afraid to trust God and believe that the things that happened in the New Testament could and should be happening today?
I know mine...what if I felt lead to pray for someones healing and it didn't happen? What if I prayed and prayed and God didn't answer the way I think He should? What would that do to my faith? Do I even have a faith?
I know of people who have prayed for healing and God has healed. I also know people, godly people who have prayed for healing and God has not healed them. I know those who were not healed have been used greatly to show how God uses us even in our pain and sickness.
But...
I want to know God deeper. I want to know God's power in my life. I want to see people come to faith and set this world on fire with the knowledge of a real and awesome God.
So I will start to lay aside my fears, with God's help. I will be obedient to Him, no matter what.

My heart did a Leap Today.

When I hear of someone who has come a little closer to God, my heart leaps and sometimes...usually I shed a few tears.
Today that happened.

Does God Need to be Defended?

How often do we try to defend God and His workings around us?
We try to put Him in a box, within our understanding and make Him make sense to us.

Is He suppose to make sense to us? Are we, in our limited understanding of this awesome God suppose to understand everything or anything that He does?
How do we finite beings wrap our brains around an infinite God?
We who can't see anything past the present try way too hard to make sense of things that only the God of the universe; who sees past, present and future all at once, knows.

Now, what do I do with this?
Does it make me want to pray? Since God is going to do what He is going to do anyway.
Does it make me fearful? Like some unknown force is at work and I am just a pawn in it's play.
or
Do I find comfort in the fact that I don't have to have all the answers? I know that God knows, and that's enough.
Can I rest in the knowing that God wants what is best for me? This does not mean what I think is the best for me.
Do I know that God desires a relationship with me, and in that relationship comes conversation and listening, on both parts?
Do I trust this being I call God Almighty?
Do I serve Him as a slave, with the have too hanging over my head? Or do I serve Him as a servant, who has chosen to do as He asks?

Write a little every day.

If you're going to blog, then BLOG!

Nothing special has been going on...which I guess is a good thing. We have had some things that have required a time of prayer for peace to just rest in the moment rather than stressing about the what ifs. It's amazing to see how much time we (I) waste stressing about the ifs.

There's a question for out there...does stressing matter? I know what the scriptures say about stressing and how it doesn't add a single hour to our lives...but. What are we saying about our God when we stress? What are we saying about our trust in Him? What does this all say about our faith in who He really is?

Everything we do, reflects Him...am I a clear picture or are there too many ripples in the way?

Worshipping with my Son

My oldest son leads a worship team at my church. Last night we ran through the songs that he picked for this Sunday. There is something so amazing about singing praise to God with your child or children.

I was leading a team for a bit, and will still fill in from time to time, but my absolute joy is singing back-up for my son. He has a heart for music and a strong love for God that comes through when he leads. It is my privilege to sing with him.

My only sadness comes when I think about him going away to school. Can we sing together on Skype?

A few good books

QUESTION: When I see how long it's been since my last post it makes me wonder why am I blogging at all??? I don't share this space with anyone, so really why bother?

ANSWER: A few months ago, the name of this blog came to me and I knew I had to write about the things that God is doing in me. That's it....my experience. So I'll keep going and maybe share with a few of my friends where I am writing.

A book that I read this summer....

This book was given to all the elders of my church to read over the summer. My husband is an elder. He was having a hard time getting into it, so I asked if I could read it first. It was a very eye opening book. The concepts were something that our church has been exploring and doing for a bit, but some of the ideas that came up were great. This book made me want to dream. It made me go to God and ask, what can I be doing to help Terrace, not spread your word, but just be in the community. Which would spread His word....

The challenge is to make a difference in peoples lives...not for an agenda, but because you love them because God loves them. Another thing that I loved was that it talked about the things that you do not being just for "church" people. There are people who want to do good and need a project that they believe in, the church offers that project and anyone who likes what is being done can come along side. I really like this. What a way to meet new people and work along side them.

Now, what do I do with this info? How has it changed what I do and am doing? I don't know. But I am on the look out. Where do I fit and what is it that God wants me to do?

Another book that I just started and runs along these same lines is...

I'm only on the third chapter but wow! So far it's all about where you go. Stepping into those places that may be or definitely are uncomfortable. Being with people who are different than you and may even think differently about things than you. Throughout the book are Road Markers...Thoughts about the section you are in, one of them on page 5 says " Jesus crossed the road to let His actions speak louder than his words."

There is so much more to this book, hopefully I'll be able to put it to words when I am finished.

Well, that's all. I feel like God has me on a learning curve, but for what I have no idea. But I'll listen and follow what I hear.

What's so amazing about Grace?

This is the book I have picked up...

I'm not sure if I have read it before but it certainly is speaking to me now.

I have someone in my life that has been treating me poorly for a wrong that she perceives happening. But from that has come a lot of talk to other people but never to me. I thought we had dealt with it and that our relationship was just never to be the same, but apparently we haven't. Once again the "hurt" from 4-5 years ago has surfaced again. So I have been struggling with my role in this. I don't feel like I should have to say sorry, I don't feel like I've done anything wrong and yet...

Reading this book has given me a new perspective... Jesus did nothing wrong and yet he went to the cross and died for all MY wrongs, not fair but GRACE!

So, my feelings of this isn't fair, although perfectly natural are not Christ like. He wants me to forgive and be more like Him.

I am wanting to be more like Him and the only way that I can is when I obey when my heart is stirred towards that end...this would be towards that end.

So I will obey and swallow my pride which is what separates me most from God. I will obey and allow God to do the hard part of making things right in the end.

My desire.

This summer my husband and I and another couple are reading through....

This is the second time for me. The last time was in 2006 and our whole church was reading it.

Now as a side note, you need to know that I have a very stubborn streak that rises it's ugly head whenever I hear about the newest "have to read" book. I just don't think that one book apart from the Bible can do it. So whenever people start jumping on this reading wagon, I walk... the opposite way. Ask me about The Shack.

Anyway, this other couple, which I love dearly wanted to read through this again, so OK, the hype is gone...I'll read it.

I have been enjoying it. There are still parts that make me cringe, but that's OK. The parts that are making me think are worth it. Which is where the topic for this post comes from.

Worship...what is it and why do it?

"Worship is a lifestyle of enjoying God, loving Him and giving ourselves to be used for His purposes". Pg 56

"We bring God glory by worshipping Him. We worship God by enjoying Him". Pg 55

I love that, enjoying Him. When I spend time with God and all the distractions from "life" have successfully been set aside, I enjoy Him. When I repeat His name and His goodness over, and over until I see His face, I enjoy Him. I enjoy being in His presence and I look forward to hearing Him speak to my heart.

Is this all the time? I wish! Sometimes the cares and frustrations from life just can't be set aside, then my time with him is all about that.

I want my life to bring God glory. I want people to look at me and say, "Look what God has done in her life". I want the fullness of God, so that it just pours out of me and onto those around me. I want to listen closer, so that whenever God speaks I hear what He has to say.

My desire is to know God, and enjoy Him fully.

I'm Back!

Wow, that was a long break from blogging...almost 2 months.

Life happened and at the same time God continued to work in my heart, and remind me of Himself. Was I faithful in spending time alone with God? Nope. Was my attitude one of seeking after God? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.

Where am I right now?
Wondering.
Where does God want me?
What does God want me to be doing?
How can I get there from here?

But for all these life choices I have to make, or am feeling like I need to make, the question I still hear in my heart is...are you doing these things now? Am I where God wants me to be? Am I doing what God wants me to be doing here and now? Am I the person God wants me to be right now so that I can continue to be transformed into the person He wants me to be then?

If I'm not doing and being now, how can I do and be then?

Such questions, answers only to be found in Him.
Proverb 2:2-3 "Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding."
Proverbs 2:6 "For the Lord grants wisdom!"

a few thoughts

Yesterday I went to a Ladies Missions Rally. The special speaker spoke to us about her current ministry and all that God has been doing...so much more than she could think of herself. More than she could imagine or dream up on her own.
Then she gave us a way to look at the wind that so often flows through Terrace....God is the wind and He is moving and we need to put up our sails and go with Him....move with Him.
Tonight she told us to take a risk...to step out and trust God. How will we ever know if we don't take that step of faith.

Oh Lord, I want to trust You. I want to know Your power for myself and not just what I hear and read. I want to step out in faith.

See the desire of my heart and show me Your glory.

thoughts from todays devotions

I was reading in Psalm today. Chapters 37-41.

37:5 Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you."

Once again, the lifestyle. Not just a style, that can be put on and off, but my lifestyle.

Everything I do. From rising in the morning, working, interacting with staff, relationships at home, time spent on the computer, EVERYTHING!

O Lord, help me commit everything to you, each day, at every moment. Transform me into the person who reflects back Your glory. Amen.

Forgotten God

Well, I just finished reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan. Amazing!
I am challenged to my core and I see the faults in my attitudes constantly.
God is amazing.
Just when I think He has forgotten about me and about changing me into a person that reflects Him better, He shows up and starts prompting me, whispering to me and letting me know "that right there...has to go"
Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus!

What does all this mean?

Here I sit at 5:45 am and wonder why?

I awoke this morning with a dream...of me not being prepared for a Sunday am worship service and picking music right before the Sunday am practice. Nothing seem to come together either, I woke up before the service and the fallout from this unpreparedness.

Lord, I pray that over and above picking the songs, I would lay the whole service at Your feet and ask You to do what You want to be done. Lord, stir my heart to the songs that will touch the heart of the one that You are calling. I pray that You would be the focus, not me, not the musicians, not the "show", YOU! This is an offering to You that I humbly place before You and ask that You would use to move us closer to You and equip us to move closer to those in our community.

I entered this role at the church with fear and trembling and still tremble, but the fear is gone knowing that God has asked me to do this for Him and to follow Him in this role that is so far above me.

More notes from Crazy Love - profile of the obsessed.

This chapter deserves a post of it's own. Challenges each and every one.

pg 129
Obsessed: To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic.
pg132
People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure. Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back.
pg133
People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress.
pg135
People who are obsessed with Jesus live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another. Obsessed people believe that Jesus talked about money and the poor so often because it was really important to Him. (1John 2:4-6, Matthew 16:24-26)
pg136
Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth. As Martin Luther put it, "There are two days on my calendar: this day and that day." (Luke 14:25-35; Matthew 7:13-23; Matthew 8:18-22; Revelation 3:1-6).
pg138
A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be "humble enough, " and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known (Matthew 6:16).
pg139
People who are obsessed with Jesus do not consider service a burden. Obsessed people take joy in loving God by loving His people(Matthew 13:44, John 15:8).
pg140
People who are obsessed with God are known as givers, not takers. Obsessed people genuinely think that others matter as much as they do, and they are particularly aware of those who are poor around the world(James 2:14-26).
pg142
A person who is obsessed thinks about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orient their lives around eternity; they are not fixed only on what is here in front of them.
pg143
A person who is obsessed is characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being.
pg144
People who are obsessed are raw with God; they do not attempt to mask the ugliness of their sins or their failures. Obsessed people don't put it on for God; He is their safe place, where they can be at peace.
pg145
People who are obsessed with God have an intimate relationship with Him. They are nourished by God's word throughout the day because they know that forty minutes on Sunday is not enough to sustain them for a whole week, especially when they will encounter so many distractions and alternative messages.
pg146
A person who is obsessed with Jesus is more concerned with his or her character than comfort. Obsessed people know that true joy doesn't depend on circumstances or environment; it is a gift that must be chosen and cultivated, a gift that ultimately comes from God (James 1:2-4).
pg147
A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the best thing he can do is be faithful to his Savior in every aspect of his life, continually saying "Thank You!" to God. An obsessed person knows there can never be intimacy if he is always trying to pay God back r work hard enough to be worthy. He revels in his role as child and friend of God.

notes from crazy love

pg23 "But you will have a choice:to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same".
I don't want to stay the same, I want to be a different person today than I was last year.

pg26 " R.C Sproul writes, "Man are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God.""

pg31 "He(God) is perfectly set apart, with nothing and no one to compare Him to. That is what it means to be holy".

pg32 "This is the God who takes the time to know all the little details about each of us. He does not have to know us so well, but He chooses to."

pg44" The point of your life is to point to Him".

pg45 "God wants to be glorified".

pg59 " My existence was not random, nor was it an accident. God knew who He was creating, and He designed me for a specific work."
This is an amazing thought...God made me who I am on purpose...all the things that I wish were different God knew about and wanted me just the way I am.

pg61 " The wildest part is that Jesus doesn't have to love us. His being is utterly complete and perfect, apart from humanity. He doesn't need me or you. Yet He wants us, chooses us, even considers us His inheritance(Eph. 1:18)."
We are NOT complete without Him. There is a hole inside us that must be filled. Sometimes we temporarily fill it with other things but until Jesus himself comes it is never satisfied.

pg67 " Thorns are anything that distracts us from God. When we want God and a bunch of other stuff, then that means we have thorns in our soil. A relationship with God simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favourite sports teams, addictions, or commitments are piled on top."

pg96 " ...nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God... God is not someone who can be tacked on to our lives."

pg97 " Are you willing to say to God that He can have whatever He wants? Do you believe that wholehearted commitment to Him is more important than any other thing or person in your life? Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people He has made?"

pg103 "Come near to God and He will come near to you." James 4:8

pg104 " As we begin to focus more on Christ, loving Him and others becomes more natural."

pg111 " Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can't do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that you are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don't, I want to want You. Be all is me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me."

pg120 " The good things we cling to are more than money; we hoard our resources, our gifts, our time, our families, our friends."

pg124 " What are you doing right now that requires faith?"
a question that stood out to me, what am I doing??? Would my life today be the same even if I didn't know Jesus?

pg130 " True faith is loving a person after he has hurt you."

pg131 " who are the people you avoid or who avoid you? Who are the people who have hurt you or hurt your friends or hurt your kids? Are you willing to do good to those people? To reach out to them?"

pg136 " When people gladly sacrifice their time or comfort or home, it is obvious that they trust in the promises of God."

pg140 " He is asking you to love as you would want to be loved if it were your child who was blind from drinking contaminated water; to love the way you would want to be loved if you were the homeless woman sitting outside the cafe; to love as though it were your family living in the shack slapped together from cardboard and scrap metal".

pg144 " God desires true intimacy with each of us, and that comes only when we trust Him enough to be fully transparent and vulnerable."

pg146 " Joy is something that we have to choose and then work for".

pg168 " We try to set our lives up so that everything will be fine even if God doesn't come through. But true faith means holding nothing back. It means putting every hope in God's fidelity to His promises."

pg171 " The Holy Spirit is the one who changes the church, but we have to remember that the Holy Spirit lives in us. It is individual people living Spirit-filled lives that will change the church."

My thoughts and feelings are in the small italic print. There are a few more things from this book that I would like to highlight, but that will be anther time. I want this kind of love. I want the kind of faith that changes who I am and how I see God. I don't want to be safe anymore. I want to trust him for big things. I want to live a life that would be desolate without Jesus in it.

Right now, my life is safe. I trust God for things, but am always working out a plan just "in case". Lord, I want to trust you for it all and rest in that trust.

I want this crazy kind of love.

Welcome

Welcome to my new blog. I awoke this morning with the name of this blog in my head and so...tada! Here it is.

Brian asked me why I wasn't blogging instead of writing pages and pages in my journal...or at least to transfer some of the things I write to a blog...I had no answer and then this morning the name was on my heart when I woke up....coincidence???? Nothing is coincidence.

Since January 1st I have been trying to read through the bible. So far it's going pretty good. I have read more than I haven't. The weekends throw me off, so the books that are suppose to get read then aren't, but I slowly pick those up during the week.

For Lent Brian and I gave up watching TV!!!! At first we weren't quite sure if we were going to make it, especially with the Olympics....but we have. What we have been doing is learning...lots.

It all started with Brian picking up a couple books at the bookstore by Pastor Francis Chan. Well, being the questioning person that I am I had to look him up, via the Internet. Is this guy for real? Is He a true follower of Christ? YES! He has been so good for us as a family. Every evening or so we watch one of his sermons online...wow! God has really been teaching us lots.

It was these two books... I have finished Crazy Love and I am half way through Forgotten God. Wow!

So for the next little while a lot of the notes and quotes here will be from him.

Enjoy!